Adulting : Mini Blog

I sat there, fumbling, yet mesmerized by the vibrance of an average tea stall. I looked at the subtle morning mist and the small ray of light from the headlight of the car beaming through the morning mist.

I checked my phone, from time to time to see if the cab had arrived at the pickup location. A sense of child-like excitement filled the air around me, like the instant warmth you feel in your heart on a cold rainy dawn. After enjoying my cup of tea, I placed it on the slab looking for QR code scanners for the payment.  "Our GPay doesn't work.", the man said, he was in his sixties yet was filled with so much energy. I took my wallet out, patiently searching for a 2 Rs coin, after finding a neat, stiff 10 Rs note (Who used cash anyways.).  I waited for my cab for a minute after that, the chirping sounds of the bird, and the reflection of the street lights early that morning on the wet roads and cars zooming at top speed on an empty morning road. There was a weird sense of hope in all this, somewhat refueling me to start over again, but making fewer mistakes this time. The cab arrived, I stuffed my luggage into the car and shut the door, looking at the road and the surroundings on that beautiful dawn. 

Oftentimes, I find it hard to believe that everything in my life is happening the way I wished it happened. The weather was calming, I rolled the window down a little so that the chill air could creep in giving those early winter vibes. "Hmm Perfect time to sleep." I thought as I connected my headphones to my mobile. But, I wasn't sleepy. I was excited, yes. I was happy, yes. But, who doesn't feel sleepy in wonderful weather like this?  I scrolled down my playlists and clicked on Bob Dylan Classics, the poet who unleashed the poet within me, and the singer who kept me sane at times of solitude and desperation. The mild harmonious sounds from the harmonica and the melodious strumming of an acoustic guitar gave me company as I enjoyed the weather on my way to the Airport, and when the not-so-euphonious voice dropped in with mind-boggling poetry as its lyrics, I was already in euphoria. Every phrase had a different meaning every time I heard it, I mean, that's the beauty of poetry- Everyone has their own meaning. This time the song had a tinge of melancholy as if the path to the bright light at the end of the tunnel was through a stream of overwhelming emotions. As if the protagonist, had everything yet there was a search for happiness beyond materialistic possession, a search beyond the human emotions-some form of redemption. Life had been a walk in a park until I was 16, but a terrible roller coaster after that. I forgot how to laugh uncontrollably, I smile with a frown unable to believe that I'm actually smiling, and I smile when I frown, in an attempt to mask my emotions.

As time passed, as I grew older and older

I felt a sense of responsibility on my shoulder,

Not to anyone else, but me.

It wasn't for anyone else, just me.

In the pursuit of understanding the world around us,

I lost my innocence, now never to be found.

The little things didn't fascinate me anymore,

It was all about career and hustling all the more.

A million big dreams but only a few years to live,

many faded into thin air, those I didn't really believe in.

As a young adult, trying to make a mark in my career. There are times when I stare at the screen of my laptop all night working, I wish for my father's tight hug and a whisper in my ear that says- "It's alright.". At times when I walk along the sidewalk, contemplating and uncertain, I wish to lay on my mother's lap as she combs my hair with her warm fingers giving reassurance. At times, on weekends when I have nowhere to go, no one to meet, and spend the day in solitude, I wish to knock on the doors of my long-lost friends and pull them out of their homes and hang out with them, talking for long hours.

I wish to caress my brother, as I did when he was a little kid. 

As time passed, as I grew older and older.

I never that certain things wouldn't be the same forever.

You lose friends, find someone new, and lose them again

until you stop finding new friends. Well, it's a game, now.

I'd stop worrying much, because my future is waiting,

with its challenges and hurdles, oh yes, we are adulting.