RELIVING: Intro

Hey Friends, Family, People who wish me well, and People who don't. I'm grateful that all of you are in my life, and I'm deeply indebted to the impact you've had on me. Loads of love your way.

I remember being a frail fourth-grader with dry coughs every 15 seconds, and a pair of significantly identified dimples drilling deep into my cheeks. Sitting on the 4th row from the teacher's table. Everyone had to write a short story and read it out in class. I was roll number 12, was known to make people laugh back then. When the time came, everyone was allowed to read out the story they wrote. It was fun, ranging from a minute-long story of a Digital Watch that turned out to be a Time Machine to the Five-Minute long story of a humanized 'The Lion King'. The guy just replaced Simba with Sam, Mufasa with Mathew, and Scar with Tom, I still remember the smirk on his face after reading out for 5 minutes, thinking nobody understood where he had lifted the story from- turns out we were smart movie buffs already. It was my turn, I was Roll Number 12, did I mention it? Yeah, I guess I did. I couldn't narrate my story, the class came to an end before that. We were asked to submit our writings so that our English teacher could evaluate them, she marched out of the class saying this. There was an instant crowd build-up on the first bench, the nerdy dude was buried in a towering mountain of thick books with brown shiny covers and neat labels (some covers are torn, and some aren't covered). 

A couple of days later, my best friend read my story. She was impressed, I could say that from her face. She mentioned - 'I love the way, how you build the suspense!'. I smiled in disbelief and snatched my book back from her. Disbelief in my own capabilities is not new to me, I didn't believe what she said, but deep inside I knew, I was good at this- Putting Emotions on paper or through words. 10 years later, here I am, writing a blog, gently adjusting the volume in the background score of 'The Imitation Game' (Hottest Motivation Theme, I could use it as an ambiance theme ALL DAY!) playing in another tab. I'm glad that I have a few readers too, who have been persisting me to write more contents. 

I grew up in a very closed, comfortable environment. Me, My parents, and a brother who is around 10 years younger than me. Alright, lemme cut the chase and get to the point- If I ever had a tinder account, my bio would read- 'An Extrovert who loves being Lonely & a mindless thinker.', definitely not a swipe right material. I've had friends, hundreds of them, in the fourteen years of schooling. I remember my best friend banging my head with her tight-bind notebook and we laughing together after that. I remember another best friend, trying to teach me football (Lol! I feel sorry for him). I remember a best friend who wanted to make me walk and talk like him. I remember a best friend whom I used to speak to all day in school, rearranging our desks so that we could sit together.  I remember a best friend who was with me no matter what I do. I remember two best friends who treated me like their brother. I could name hundreds of best friends forever, but now it just boils down to a handful of them, the friends. The boundaries of friendship are towering like a solid rock wall. From slamming on the shoulders and forcing them to talk for hours, it has become a series of steps- Asking permission to talk, A Zoom link, or a Whatsapp call after the 'permission is granted'. I knew we were growing up and growing apart.

If you've seen me in school, with a tight-fitting white shirt, fitting check pants, rocking an oversized bottle green V-neck sweater and the sleeves pulled up to the elbow, flipping my hair on the stairs, in the class, in the loo, on stage rehearsals and remember me as a soft-spoken nerd- Hey, it is me again. 

I have always been subjected to comparison in life. Starting from the scores I get in school to the thickness of my beard currently. If I get a 90%, I would be asked- That guy got 98%, why can't you get? If I woke up at 8:00 AM to study the day before the exam, I would be compared with the dudes who wake up at 4:30 AM on the days before the exam. Yes, you're right- Comparison is deadly. 

Thinking about it, Comparisons have a drastic impact on my booming insecurity. I have a tendency to look at the positive things in the world and see only negative things about myself. Yes, I was lowkey addicted to self-hatred. Oh! I'm fine now, thank you so much for the concern. 

So my readers, Welcome to RELIVING- a series of positive anecdotes, stories untold ;)